Adopting Fatherhood

Cross country skiing is somewhat of family tradition. It all started when our neighbors convinced my Grandmother (Ema the Great) that it was a fun way to exercise. We started borrowing skis from them, gliding through the pasture and woods behind their house. We had been doing this for a few years when Ema the Great went out with us one day and came around a corner. Corners at the bottom of a hill are tough if you don't hit the trails often, and she certainly didn't get out as often as us kids did. She was going down a slight decline and couldn't steer away from a small sapling. Eventually, and I use that word purposefully because she was going so slow, she hugged the tree, thus ending her cross country skiing career. I, however, had been bitten by the skiing bug. I helped teach my two of my cousins when they were just old enough to put on skis. When I had time, and in the days when metro Detroit used would get a decent amount of snow each winter, I would be on the trail...

Add caption A few weeks ago, The Kid implored me to listen to girl music. "What's girl music?" I asked. "It's music that has girls singing, Papa," she stated with a hint of disbelief that I didn't intuitively know that. So we started scanning FM stations, eventually finding girl music. The next day, I put on a playlist of Jill Scott, Erykah Badu, Corinne Bailey Rae, and Aaliyah to avoid frustration when we couldn't find appropriate music over terrestrial radio. I realized through this exchange that she is starting to figure out who she is in this world, and what makes her different from other people. I reflected on our conversation last month about why I have white skin and she has brown skin (hint, we are all made a little differently). I thought about my tendency to take her to sporting events that feature men, Detroit Tigers baseball, Detroit Red Wings hockey, and Oakland University Golden Grizzlies Men's basketball. Talking abou...

A colleague made the observation that people who are from Detroit, if they still live in the area or not, seem to always refer to the city as home in a way she's never experienced in the states. It was an observation that makes sense to me, and while I wasn't born here, Detroit is home. If we ever leave, and I have no idea why we would, I would be one of those people my colleague was referring to, one that will always call Detroit home. This sometimes crazy, often misunderstood and always underestimated city has a way of working its way into your heart. After 15 years of living in the city, it is also easy to become stuck in a routine and stop observing the little things that make the city beautiful. This is where The Kid comes in. She doesn't have my baggage and doesn't care about the history. When I remind myself to put down my phone and start watching her experience the city, I become even more impressed with this place. Monday night was a great example of th...

Talk with me for a few minutes and you'll understand how much I love my kid. You'll also realize that I have great respect and appreciation for The Kid's foster family , and that I a dvocate for people to become foster parents whenever I can. If it weren't for a loving foster family, we wouldn't have The Kid and my life would still have a big hole to fill. You might not know that I hate getting story pitches for this blog. Normally they are from someone doing a keyword search who sends me the same genaric form email they sent to a hundred other allegedly influential bloggers. Which made the email pitch about using this infographic in my blog different, they took the time to read, referenced a post they liked, and did it without being smarmy. It helps that the infographic is compelling and shows me there is still a lot of work to be done to make sure kids in the foster care system have access to quality mental health care, opportunity to advance their education,...

Every so often, I say something to my daughter I wish I could take back. Usually, it's a poorly timed reference to ice cream or some other treat. Another one of those conversations happened last weekend, leaving me to facepalm myself for my own big mouth. But, this time, it wasn't about a treat. It was about a baby shower. Our conversation went something like this. Me: Okay kiddo, are you ready to go to a baby shower?  The Kid: What's that, Papa?  Me: It's a party for grown ups who are going to have their first baby. Don't worry, no one will have to take a shower at the party.  TK: (excited) There will be a baby there?  Me: No.  TK: Where is the baby? Me: The baby hasn't been born yet. The shower is before the baby comes. TK: Where is the baby? Me: In the mommy's tummy.  (Insert long pause here, as my daughter ponders what I just said and I start cursing myself for saying something stupid.) TK: Did she eat a baby? Me: No.  T...

For the better part of a year, The Kid will walk by a car and randomly declare that it is either a happy car or a sad car based on it's "face." I used to chuckle when she started talking about a car's front face being happy and the back face being sad, or vice versa, but she does have a point. The headlights and taillights of many cars look like eyes, and the bumper can kinda resemble a mouth. Most cars are obvious to me now, after countless hours of tutoring by The Kid. But one vehicle has me stumped. The Buick Verano. Specifically, it's back face. I think it looks pensive. How about you? 

Monday, Gladys and I met with The Kid's preschool teacher for the first time since she was promoted to the preschool room at daycare. A highlight of the meeting was the teacher pointing out that our daughter seems to be a natural leader. She is a kid the others look to for direction, even the older kids, and it is a skill I want to nurture. The idea of the type of woman I want The Kid to become has been on my mind lately, mostly because of an article I read in the Washington Post about the differences in what qualities men want to see in their wives and their daughters . I am happy to say that I am once again an outlier. The qualities that attracted me to Gladys are the qualities I hope to help The Kid develop. From the day I met her, I knew Gladys was intelligent; that she would treat me like an equal; that she would stand up to me, or anyone else for that matter, for what she feels strongly about; and was fiercely independent. I want that for The Kid, so I am glad those qua...